In preparation for the ticket sale of Morrissey's "upcoming" show on April 12th, press officials were hard at work drafting a subsequent cancellation email on Tuesday.
"With delicate situations like these, it's best to be prepared," said Frank Shankly, director of press and promotions. "I figure we can push this puppy out in a couple of weeks, make any necessary embellishments, and watch San Antonio burn."
All eyes have been on keyboardist Gustavo Mazur, the weakest link in the Morrissey chain. Speculation remains that Mazur was poisoned the night of their 2016 Boulder appearance so Moz could cancel yet another show and remain sympathetic to his audience, though this has not been confirmed.
"Between the slippery music industry and the capitalist meat murder industrial complex, there are a lot of things that could go wrong," said Morrissey himself, reclining on a crushed velvet loveseat and drinking the tears of teenage girls. "Who knows? My cat could come down with the flu. PETA might need me to throw pig blood at a celebrity. The possibilities are endless."
Tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. on Friday and will probably sell out in record time, like we don't already know how this ends. In other news, the inaugural When We Were Young Festival has also booked a Morrissey cancellation as its headlining act, citing publicity in the absence of greatness.
For actual information on Morrissey's San Antonio show, click here.
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